Blended

On Tuesday we had our final home visit with our caseworker. We have a few more things to finish up then she will begin writing our home study. If all goes well we will have it in about a month. Then we will be able to apply for our I600a form (which takes about 4-6 weeks). Once we have that we are considered paper ready and can be matched with a child! There is still a lot of time involved so I don’t want to get too excited, but we’re moving.

In our final visit, Nick and I had to do interviews separate from each other with our caseworker. She asked us about our strengths and weaknesses, our parents, siblings and our relationships with them. She asked about our marriage, our parents’ marriage, and a ton of other questions. We did great and even had similar answers to a lot of the questions (for example my weakness according to both Nick and I is that I love others too much sometimes and one of our best memories was our trip to NC last summer.) All of those questions got me thinking about our family and what it must look like to people on the outside.

A few weeks ago, my little sister Rosemary (who is adopted and very dark) was taken to the emergency room due to an allergic reaction. She was fine, but I had to go pick her up because my dad was out of town. My brother in law (who is white) and I had both been called so he went to the school and rode in the ambulance with her and I met them in the ER. When the nurse came in to the exam room she saw a bi-racial, white, and black person in the same room. Here’s how the conversation went.

Nurse: (to me)“Oh you’re Dr. Knight’s daughter! (awkwardly looking over at Corbin) and he’s your….

Me: “brother-in-law”

Nurse: “Ohhhh (looking at Rosie even more confused) and she’s your…friend?”

Me: “My sister actually”

With two adopted siblings, conversations like this have happened to me since I can remember. My favorite was when a man asked me if Drew and Rosie were my children. I was twelve. Yeah.

But soon we will be adding a new layer to this family. A Congolese child. I wonder what kinds of questions my family will be fielding when a little African baby enters the picture. What kinds of ignorant questions will we have to respond to? Will people think he belongs to my sister? How will having an educated white father and a bi-racial mother affect our son? My sisters and I had plenty of issues figuring out where we fit in growing up. Will he have similar identity issues?

I can’t answer those questions yet (but I’m hoping some of you blended or adoptive families can!) Until then here is what I know. I am the oldest of 5 children. I have a brother and 3 sisters. We look different but we were all raised the same. We have the same quirks and personalities. We love Italian food, sitting around the dinner table, and we love each other fiercely. To this day I never remember that their skin color is different than mine until someone brings it up. Because when you love someone color doesn’t matter. And I know that’s how our little boy will feel in this family. Love from all sides.